No news means no news, people.

Dear family, friends, and neighbors:

If you do not receive a phone call, text, or email message from me telling you that I am in labor, or am heading to the hospital, or have had a baby, please assume that nothing is happening. If you are on the list of people who Need To Know, I promise, I will Let You Know. The daily check-in calls, texts, and emails are really, really, really annoying.

Kisses,

k

Giving thanks.

I’ve been pretty complainy over the last few days, when I should be focusing on the things I’m thankful for. So with no further ado, here’s my thanksgiving:

  • I’m thankful for my wonderful husband. Yes, I get annoyed at some of his habits and sometimes wish he’d pick up more of the slack around the house, but watching him get excited about this baby is one of the most remarkable things I’ve ever seen. And watching him work three weekends in a row to bank up enough paid time off to take a full month of leave has been amazing.
  • I’m thankful for my family. They drive me up the wall, but no one knows me the way they do.
  • I’m thankful for a healthy, easy pregnancy. I feel lucky every day that my body can do this.
  • I’m thankful for a job that I love and that I’m good at, for coworkers who genuinely seem to care about me and each other, and for a workplace culture that is accepting and accommodating of our growing family. It’s not all sweetness and roses, of course — I can’t imagine any workplace in which management would celebrate an employee taking off four months — but they’ve made it as easy as possible for me, and I am incredibly thankful for that.
  • I’m thankful for good health insurance. I’m so grateful that I haven’t had to stress about deductibles or copays or minimum contributions during my pregnancy. I wish everyone had access to such good health insurance.
  • I’m thankful for the excellent Indian restaurant that just happens to be 10 minutes from our house, and for the excellent shahi paneer I had for dinner last night. It did not kick off labor, but it was good enough that I’m almost OK with that.
  • I’m thankful for my smelly, stubborn, sneaky beggar of a dog. He follows me around constantly nowadays, refuses to eat his breakfast if I’m not close by, and has developed a bad habit of pawing at me for attention (mostly over the last few days, and I think it’s related to having houseguests and all the Thanksgiving hubbub), but he loves me unconditionally and protects me as much as a 17-pound terrier can. I couldn’t ask for a better dog.

But mostly, I’m thankful that, in no more than 10 days, we’ll be bringing home a beautiful baby boy or girl. We’re excited and we’re ready.

I am so over it.

Y’all, I’m done.

For all the complaining I’ve done to Mr. D. over the last few weeks, things haven’t really been that bad. Oh, sure, I can’t bend over. And it’s hard to walk up the hill to the bus stop. And I get heartburn all the time, and sleeping is difficult, and getting up from the couch really is as comical as it looks like on TV. But my pregnancy has been pretty easy, overall, and up until about a day or so ago, I really wasn’t feeling all that bad.

But now? I am done. I’ll be 39 weeks tomorrow, and I want this baby OUT. Now. My hormones are raging, so I am in a foul mood, certain family members are being asses, and I can barely concentrate at work to get done the four minor things I need to get done before I go out on maternity leave. Oh, and I am so effing uncomfortable I just can’t stand it.

The discomfort alone would be bearable, I think, if it weren’t for my shitty mood — made worse, no doubt, by the shitty weather, by the shitty things certain family members are doing, and by the fact that we’re hosting Thanksgiving (IN OUR HOUSE) starting today, when my in-laws arrive. I really like my in-laws — I really do! — and they are helpful around the house as well as relatively self-sufficient, so it could be worse. But, see above about my shitty mood. The last thing I want to be doing right now is playing hostess.  Six months ago, it sounded like a good idea; now it just seems like folly.

So today’s goal is to make it through the workday without bursting into tears (and I never cry, so the necessary coping mechanisms to make that happen are probably not very well tuned in my case), get home with some semblance of sanity left, and put on a happy face for my in-laws. And then maybe bury myself in Thanksgiving prep, because if I’m cooking, maybe people will just leave me alone.

This is the purpose of nesting

Trip to BabiesRUs: 1 Boppy, 1 manual pump (with 15% off coupon), 1 box breast pads, and 3 sleepers (ducks, frogs, monkeys, all sooooo cute).

Trip to Target: 1 inexpensive bathrobe, 1 comfy nursing top, 1 pair low rise maternity yoga pants (low rise enough to accommodate potential C-section incision — I like to be prepared), 6 pair cheap socks for me, 6 pair socks for baby, 1 monkey-printed sleeper/gown with matching hat, 1 tube Lansinoh, and 1 package wipes.

Stop at McDonalds: 1 large chocolate shake.

Three loads of laundry: 3 giant balls of lint.

Long walk with dog: 3 contractions (not painful, just Braxton-Hicks).

Given the last item on that list, I’ll call today a success, even if the contractions weren’t the real thing.

I think they call this nesting.

Yesterday, my work colleagues threw me a lovely little impromptu shower, and something about getting all “baby” at work really threw me into task mode.  After finishing a somewhat tedious assignment, I found myself furiously cleaning my office — shredding old paper, filing things that needed to be kept, scrubbing my desk. It was a little insane. And I haven’t really fallen out of task mode since.  My house is clean — we had a cleaning lady come this week because I am really not capable of scrubbing the floors/bathrooms/appliances any more — so I’ve been doing other things. Like:

  • I went to Costco and bought out the place
  • I went to Wegman’s and bought them out, too.
  • I had my car detailed.
  • I installed the car seat in my car (with Mr. D.’s help, of course).
  • I’m making cornbread for the cornbread dressing we’re having on Thanksgiving.
  • I washed a bunch of baby towels and receiving blankets and onesies.
  • I’m washing my own clothes right now.
  • I placed a giant order with Amazon for additional stuff that we really need — Pack-n-Play sheets, washcloths, Snappis (plastic diaper pin things), a baby grooming/healthcare kit.

And I really don’t feel inclined to stop yet. It’s like, what else needs to be done? What else can I do Right Now? Tomorrow, I plan to go to Target and Babies R Us (thankfully, they’re next door to each other in the shopping center we go to) and buy a bunch of stuff I’ll need for the hospital — an inexpensive nightgown and bathrobe, some socks, etc. — as well as a few remaining baby items — a Boppy, some fleece swaddles, baby socks, Lansinoh.

My fear is that, once I do all of that, I’ll really be Done, and then I’ll just be sitting around waiting to go into labor. I am not the most patient person under the best of circumstances; let me assure you that carrying this baby around has not improved that. I am tired and uncomfortable and none of my clothes fit, and all I really want is to meet our kid! If it’s really going to take another three weeks (when I’ll be induced if I don’t go into labor naturally), I am going to lose my mind.

Let me explain….no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

So it’s been a while. Here’s what’s happening:

  • I am 38 weeks pregnant, which means this baby can come whenever s/he wants to.
  • I have two more weeks of work before I go out on maternity leave, but Thanksgiving falls in there, so I really have even less time in the office than that. Add that I’m working from home today and on Monday (having the house cleaned and having some repairs done before the baby gets here), and I’m only going to be in the office seven (7) more days. Holy carp.  (Note that this does not mean I am only working seven more days. I am working today, and will be working Monday and, if the baby is late, I will probably try and pick up some hours here and there even after I officially start my leave, just so I’m not totally bored sitting at home.)
  • I absolutely do not expect this baby to show up any sooner than three weeks from now, and would not be surprised if s/he holds out even longer. (See above note about picking up hours from home.)
  • Our extra car seat base, changing pad for the dresser/changing table, swaddling blankets, and some newborn diaper covers are still at my office, along with about 20 pairs of shoes, three blazers, three jackets, and two sweaters. I need to figure out when I can drive into the office to pick all that stuff up because I am not carrying any of it home on the Metro.
  • In case you didn’t pick up on the sly reference above, yes, we’re going to try cloth diapering. Our daycare provider seems on board, as long as it’s really simple for her, so I have a bunch of pocket diapers for her to use, since they’re the most like disposables, and I’m hoping to use mostly prefolds and covers at home and at night. We will see how this experiment goes. Luckily, I’ve gotten almost all of my cloth diapering supplies secondhand from Craigslist, and our total investment so far is under $300.  If the experiment is a success, that’s hella cheaper than disposables; if it’s not, I can resell pretty much all of it and recoup at least 75%, if not all, of that investment.
  • We are hosting my in-laws (and maybe my brother) for Thanksgiving, which means I have to go do epic Thanksgiving shopping this weekend. At 38-1/2 weeks pregnant. I hear tell that walking around Costco makes labor start, but I kind of hope that’s not true for me, because I really, really, really want to eat my Thanksgiving turkey. The baby can come any time after Thanksgiving, though. (Again, though, see above about how I don’t expect to be having a baby any time before the second week of December.)

So, that’s a lot of stuff to be dealing with here at the end of the longest nine months of my life. Though, actually, it’s really just been a really long three months — the first and second trimesters of this pregnancy really flew by, but this last third? Crawling along at a snail’s pace. You’d think that would mean I’d’ve gotten a lot more done in the last three months, but no. I’ve always been a bit of a last-minute kind of person, and pregnancy hasn’t really changed that about me. Heck, we just went and got our second car (a necessary purchase when you live in the suburbs and have a kid) last weekend.

I may have more thoughts soon about being career-oriented and maternity leave and my various fears/angst/worries. But for now, I’ll just say that I am looking forward to taking a little break.  My maternity leave will be the first time I’ve taken more than two consecutive weeks off from working or studying since I graduated from college! It’s a little strange for me to contemplate such a long stretch of time without some sort of intellectual pursuit, but I’m eager for the experience.