Moving again and again and again

I have now moved again. I know that the last move wasn’t really me actually moving — the movers were just taking my stuff. But it was still a move, y’all. And now I’ve moved again, into my 4-week temporary living situation.

I am now living in a 15×15 box. It has a separate kitchenette and a full bathroom and a very big closet. It has a crappy window unit AC unit that I had to rig up so it wouldn’t leak my cold air into the outside, and a mattress on the floor, and a dinky coffee table. It has stained walls and mold in the bathroom closet and crappy carpet.

But it’s home for the next 3-1/2 weeks so I’m making it as comfy as possible. I cooked dinner on the teeny-tiny cooktop tonight, after a quick grocery run to the same cute store where I used to shop three years ago when we lived in this same area of town. And I’ve gotten everything as unpacked as possible — which is relatively simple when you don’t have any drawers; my clothes are separated out by “drawer” into my various suitcases and duffel bags. (Yes, my hanging clothes are hanging.)

The best thing by far about this living situation is that I am no longer sleeping on an air mattress. I am sleeping on a real mattress, thank goodness. It’s not the best bed but it’s a real innerspring mattress that I can actually sit on. Hallelujah.

Also hallelujah? I get to see Mr. D. in FOUR DAYS. It’s good to have something to look forward to when you’re living in a box.

Things I should have done sooner.

Oh my god, did it really take me five years — or, at best, 9 months, since that’s how long ago I picked running back up — to take a run along the lakshore? That’s not even really fair — I did do a couple of runs along the lake in law school, but I did them up by the law school, not downtown near all the fabulous buildings. And let me tell you…there is something completely amazing about running along the shore with a stand of tall, architectural wonders looming over you.

So yeah, I had a great run this afternoon! It was exactly the kind of run I needed — burning off a lot of my stress, filling me with endorphins, and making me really nostalgic for this city. This city that I have liked but never really loved, this city that I’m leaving in four weeks.

Anyway, now that I’ve done it, I’ll be doing a lot more of it. It’s so easy to take my gear to work, change at the end of the day, take a long run, and then swing back by the office to get my stuff and go home. And this is the time of year to maximize my laekshore running.  In fact, it’s likely I wouldn’t be able to do much running along the lakeshore four weeks from now, even if I were staying here. (OK, that’s not totally true, but I would have to layer more. And I think eight weeks from now I really would be in trouble trying to do much lakeshore running.)

I guess it’s good to leave on a high note. I have always had a rule about parties (courtesy of one of my college roommates) — leave while you’re still having fun.  I guess I’ll be leaving Chicago when I’m still having fun.

Four nights

I’ve spent four nights in this empty apartment and while it’s not exactly been fun, it’s at least been tolerable. The air mattress isn’t as bad as I feared (though of course it’s not great), I have a nice setup with my computer and monitor for watching Netflix and Hulu and other online stuff (and for Skyping with Mr. D.), and I’ve even cooked several times. (And “cooked” means “turned on the oven or stove to make something besides hot water for coffee.”)

And this week has gone by pretty quickly — a huge blessing.  I really only have one more week here before I move into my sublet and if that next week goes as quickly as this week has, well, it’ll be here before I know it.

It’s not that I’m exactly excited about the sublet; what I’m excited about is moving on from this place. It’s not really fun to live in the empty shell of your home, you know? I look around and all I see is what used to be here — and what’s not here now. It’s not depressing, but it is . . . uncomfortable, I guess. It highlights the other missing thing — Mr. D. It’s hard to be apart from him this long and being in this apartment just makes his absence more tangible.

So. One more week and I’m into my sublet. A week after that and I’m out in our new home, seeing Mr. D. for the first time in six weeks and helping him get the kitchen and pantry set up. And three weeks after that, I’ll be moving! I have been counting by days also — 8 until I sleep in a new bed, 13 until I see Mr. D., and 34 until I leave Chicago for good — but sometimes weeks are simpler. There are fewer of them, at least.

First night

My apartment is completely empty.

Except for my air mattress, nicely made up with my sheets and pillows and two TV trays on which I have my large monitor and  laptop set up.

The really bizarre thing is that I am sitting in an empty room on a camp chair, Skyping with Mr. D. on my laptop monitor while watching The Guild on my big monitor, while using a headset, which I’ve never used before. If you’ve watched The Guild, you will understand the odd irony of this.

Luckily, tomorrow night is trivia night (we are on a 2-win streak right now) and a good friend is on vacation in my city with her husband and adorable 2 year old this week/weekend. So I am hoping I will have plenty of opportunities to get out of the house over the next several days. I need those opportunities because it’ll be a rough couple of weeks otherwise.

What’s next?

The movers are about halfway done getting everything out of my apartment. So the question is, when it’s all empty, what should I do first? Clean the floors or get the hell out of dodge? I’m afraid if I wait to start cleaning, it’ll just never get done, but I’m equally afraid of sitting around this empty apartment for any longer than absolutely necessary.

Box this

It’s all in boxes!

The packers left, to return tomorrow morning to load everything up. I get to relax on my couch and in my easy chair for one more evening; even better, I get to sleep on my bed for one more night.

As soon as they left, I pulled all my stuff out of the bathroom where it had been hiding and took a shower. At least my bathroom is still my bathroom. (And boy is it a mess. Packing up in there is going to be a DISASTER. Why did I ever need five bottles of Bath & Body Works’ Glove Potion Number Nine? And do I really need to keep hauling all five bottles around with me every time we move? I don’t even really use lotion.)

I’m still having a hard time really envisioning how empty it’s going to be in here when all the stuff is gone, but I guess I only have to wait a few hours to see it for real, right? I am sure as soon as everything is gone I’m going to say, “OH! That’s what it’s like in here! OK, BRING IT BACK.”

But they won’t be able to. It’ll be on its way down the highway, set to be delivered by Thursday (so much earlier than the original estimate! Hooray for Mr. D. getting the furniture so soon! This is me being selfless!). And I’ll still be here. Sleeping on an air mattress.

Five and a half weeks. It might be time to start counting in days. OK, then. Thirty-nine days. And counting.

They’re heeeeeeere

The packers are taking over my life. Or boxing it up. Whatever. There are piles of boxes all over my apartment, with more being added every minute. It’s trippy and weird and yet so very welcome. I am so ready for this process to be over and this day is a Very Big Step in that direction.

Like a burst of cold air

I spent most of this evening getting things ready for the packers to come tomorrow. That means I tucked away the things I want to make sure they don’t pack, boxed up some appliances for which I have the original boxes and packing material, threw away scads of things from the pantry (three-year-old nori, anyone?), and disassembled our TV-stereo system. I’m worn out, dirty (the bottoms of my feet are black, I kid you not), a little freaked out about moving out of this place that’s been my home for so long…but I’m also a touch exhilarated.

To which I say, finally.

I need to get excited about this move. I have been so fixated on how much it’s sucking — Mr. D. is gone, the dog is gone, I’ll be living in a bare apartment for to weeks and a box of a studio for four — that I have not been paying attention to the adventure of it. And I’m not talking about getting excited for the payoff — the new job, the new city — I’m talking about the move itself. Changing things up can be invigorating! It can be really cool! And I think I’m finally seeing a glimpse of how this move might be really cool for me. I need that glimpse because, frankly, the sad is always pretty close to the surface and I need something to counter it.

Waaaah!

Packers come in 12 hours. I am not ready for them. The magnitude of my not-readiness is enormous. So enormous that I may vomit. Or cry. Or both.

Reality staring me in the face

So here I am, in a fully furnished apartment, but all by myself. No husband, no dog. And, for all intents and purposes, no TV — the cable was turned off Friday. I’ve managed to get our TV to get over the air reception of some basic channels, but that’s it — and I’ll only have that until the movers come and pack up the TV on Monday.

Anyway, even given that I still have all my stuff and a working TV, I’m really in a bad place emotionally. It’s lonely here.  And a bit depressing. And that worries me.

Because if it’s this lonely now, when I have furniture and my local channels, how much more is it going to suck in a couple of days when I won’t have anything but an air mattress and a camp chair? Right now, I’m stretched out on the couch. In a couple of days, all I’ll have is that air mattress — not very good for stretching out and relaxing. And I’ll have to do that for two weeks.

And even after I move out of this apartment into my sublet, I won’t have a couch, just a mattress on the floor. (At least it’ll be a mattress and not an air mattress. Yes, yes, silver lining.) Basically, I’m starting to get a glimpse of how uncomfortable the next six weeks are going to be. I am starting to see that, for all my bravery about all of this while we were planning it, I am not really prepared for the reality of it.